Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
