I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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