Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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