I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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