My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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