Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
