My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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