He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
