I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
