last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
