the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
