Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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