you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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