Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we're making bets on your personal life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
