Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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