Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
