Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
