I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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