I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
