Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize