I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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