I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
