Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize