her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
