she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize