u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I believe in your delicious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
