it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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