make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize