We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
