Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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