he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
