She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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