Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
