I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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