maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize