I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
