the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
