I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
