It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
