Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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