I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
