We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
