4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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