I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
