How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
