Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
