I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
