He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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