I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
