jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
