i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
