so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
