Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
