I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
