why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
