i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize