That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You need a sexual gate keeper
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
