the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
