I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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