but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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