The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
