yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
