Sry I called you an 8
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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