For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
