Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
