I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize