I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
