good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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