someone owes me an orgasm
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
