is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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