At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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