I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
