I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
